An Exploration of Alchemy: Air as Material

20 Sep, 2025

When I first started writing this post it was called "An Alchemy Problem: Turning Air into Water" and really centered on the way my feelings can feel backed up in my body because I struggle mightily to cry. The more I sat with this concept and worked with my physiological materials and the DnD metaphor, the more this post moved into the space of exploring the alchemical properties of how we take our base materials (and metaphors) and transmute them into something else.

Ever since I transitioned, it has been substantially harder to cry. ¹ As the weight of the world is feeling heavier, I've noticed that when I feel vulnerable, sad, or scared, these emotions saturate my system until I am left feeling heavy in my body and deeply exhausted. This flavor of depression feels like all the air in my body has left, and simultaneously that the canals of my nervous system are too clogged up to really let anything flow through. So rather than a true exiting of air, it's more like my breath has been taken from me before it could be used and felt.

I use the term "breath" very intentionally here -- in the world of Worlds Beyond Number ² , the Spirit character possesses a trait called his Breath that operates like his life force and purpose. This is very literal in the show, in that he will often slow down and take a deep breath to center himself in his purpose, but it is also a magical force that syncs up with the wind outside of his body and moves within and around him. I can relate deeply to this textural way of identifying strength and purpose. My astrological Big Three are all Air signs and I have 3 different Geminis on my chart. I am the most air sign person I've ever met: capable of turning almost anything into a heady rabbit hole of ideas and able to talk and hang out nearly non stop.

This is to say, that as I am struggling to cry, I am beginning to see it as an alchemical problem: How can I possibly make tears out of air?

In the past, pre transition, when I felt at my edges or deeply sad, I'd often cry. The channels cleared, the emotional material moved through. Back then, I regularly described my body as a conduit. Air swirled through and waterways moved. At that time, I don't know that I was performing the alchemy of Air to Water, so much as allowing any and all elements move through. As I both become more myself and also get older, being a conduit just isn't it anymore. There is too much Me that creates resistance to external input coursing straight through. One might even say that I'm grounded. So, it seems, the alchemy of turning Air into Earth has been unlocked.

This magic of turning Air to Earth has been a wonderful discovery in this phase of my life. I stand taller, sure footed, harder to push over and push around. I'm denser, and where I used to be mostly comprised of ideas, I am moving slower and lower to the ground as I transform them into movement. Within my body, energy often starts as Air, but that Air now knows both how to become firm enough to create resistance, and also how to move through my feet down to the Earth and root me in place.

I am curious how I will be able to alchemize Air into Water. If in my past life, water came from tears that passed right through, what will Water be when I can work with the materials that I have? ³ Will I eventually in my presence in my body also discover new raw materials?

I recently learned of a longer astrological arc (that can last ~20 years) in which one journeys from their South Node (in my case, also a Gemini) to their North Node. You don't leave behind your South Node as you slowly move towards the North, but instead take the wisdom of who you've been as you move towards a new phase of being. My North Node, is Saggitarius -- a fire sign. I find myself reflecting on how quick Air can turn to Fire. If the correct compounds are present, all it takes is a well-timed spark. Air will give way to Fire and Fire needs Air to burn. I can already feel it sometimes, that when Air moves fast enough in my body a small flame will burn. That flame varies in its affect: it can feel like rage, purpose, protectiveness, or expression.

Sometimes, that fire causes me to cry.

Maybe I wont be alchemizing Air to Water but somehow, against all normal world physics, I'll be crafting it first from Fire. I can feel that this decade will be a decade of learning when to let the elements straight into and through my body, when to provide resistance, when to cast them into something else.

Something I'm already learning, is that there are ways to move the feelings without the tears. Sometimes that looks like grounding, sometimes like moving, and other times it takes some other external magic.

Yesterday, I got together with a close friend and we talked a little about how sad we were, but mostly we didn't and we just enjoyed each other's company in exactly the state we were in. As someone who is often so project-focused, I can easily find myself only in dynamics where we are working on a very concrete project. Sitting with my friend for hours on the couch, our energetic materials started to blend. We were both sad, and could have easily canceled our plan, but there's alchemy too in co-regulation. Earth and Air blend together, histories, pet peeves, and the soft animals of our bodies make something all together new. With my close friend, I didn't find myself overthinking, or needing to be perfect, I only needed to allow our spirits to touch. That company, is alchemy.