August 10th 2025
I'm sitting out on my porch in the dark listening to how loud quiet can sound. I'm remembering months ago when I sat out here and overheard Jewish prayers coming from a few houses down and learned how close I lived to someone I share a Jewish world with. I'm remembering this now because they've moved away to pursue a dream and go to school.
In order to have new beginnings, we need endings. Tonight was the last Weird Stuff Only1 before Thair moves away. I felt the well of pain pool up in me disguised as anxiety that I luckily was able to release through dancing and sweating through the last act. I can't even write about what Weird Stuff Only was for me. Not yet.
I can't let go of this transitional, liminal summer. This summer of so much busyness and so little work. With an abundance of my partner's time (hot teacher summer) and of the final days with my close friend Thair before he moves away.
I'm hungry for what's next, but I don't know that I can confront the speed that time moves. Our husband (read: queer platonic best friend) has a husband and they're moving. My neighbor is already gone.
I'm listening to how loud the quiet is half expecting it to create an epiphany about the passage of time -- It doesn't. In the meantime, I love this much needed cool breeze. I love the crickets and the 3rd star I found when I thought there were only 2. I love the 4th one too. I wont pretend that these natural phenomenon will teach me how to age, but they will make me feel less alone as I do.
An iconic show in town run by a very close friend and a place where I performed one of the most meaningful performances I've ever done.↩